Our ship here is at yellow alert, that’s true. Still two+ months away from my due date, it looks like we’re going to have our little girl any day, anyway – despite all our best efforts to keep her full term.
That’s OK. We’re fine and we aren’t at all worried. One of my very best friends asked me how I could be so calm about it. Truly, it’s because there isn’t anything to worry about! Just like Benjamin (who was early, but healthy), just like Nathan (who was full term), she’ll show up at the right time. She’s viable, I’m fine, we’re not in any real danger, so what’s there to worry about? Even if something did go wrong and things weren’t OK; then what? Nothing worth worrying about. We’ll deal with it then. It may be hard, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now. And we know that no matter what, it’s ALL under control; even in the worst of circumstances, our God will not abandon us to do it alone; he brought us through it in the first place. I could ask for no stronger, wiser, gentler hands to be in.
Actually, the hardest part of all of this is the depression. Fear isn’t an issue (as mentioned above), and I’ve been long broken of my pride that tends to burn me up inside whenever someone tries to help. But I do struggle with a fairly mysterious and very unpredictable depression. I don’t know why I feel like this. And it isn’t all the time; much of the time, I’m perfectly fine and play with my kids and feel great, but then sometimes it gets so heavy that it’s crippling. If there was anything specific I’d ask you to pray for, it’s that.