Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my childhood and reevaluating those past relationships through the lens of adulthood. The closest inspection has been on the adults of that time.
The adults that I respected and loved the most – the ones whose voices still echo in my mind – were the ones who took the time to talk with me about the deep things that mattered. They were the ones who took the time to learn what mattered most to me and explore them with me. But that means that there was an abundance of time in between in which we talked about a whole lot of nothing.
“I hate chit chat,” is something that I hear often – especially if you include the number of times I’ve said it in my own head. And it’s true that chatting can wear me down very quickly. But despite what we think, I’d wager that no healthy person actually hates it. The people who say that are most often the ones who cherish deep conversation and connection. Chatting is necessary for that – it’s the surface layer that you must dig through in order to hit that wellspring. It’s the slow, churning river by which deep ravines are cut.
“So it’s a necessary evil?” Yes, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s valuable in and of itself as well. I’ve learned to value chatting because I value the person that I’m with. It doesn’t matter much what we’re talking about; what matters is that we’re spending time together. Simply, it isn’t the what, it’s the who! Once you realize that and learn to value it, it makes the whole thing much easier – even enjoyable!
I used to think I hated chatting, but I don’t anymore. I don’t think I ever really did hate it; it was just exhausting, that’s all. You probably don’t hate chit chat; you just love deeper connections.