Oh man. I feel like I’m holding back wild horses.
I adore horses. They’re massive, strong, and glorious. Power ripples through their muscles when they move. And if you have ever spent time with them in the spring, you would know how dangerous they can be when finally released after a long, dull winter. Riddled with cabin fever, they must be lunged (if you don’t know what lunging is, then I encourage you to look it up online) for a good long time before you can ride them; if you don’t, you’ll find yourself grasping at control of a 1,500lb mobile madhouse. They’re downright wild after being couped up for so long!
Switching gears here: sometimes it’s hard for me to navigate my feelings, and most of the time, I go along making decisions almost robotically – simply executing protocol as it is clearly programmed. Other times, my feelings ring out strongly, and I get extremely passionate about the protocol – either because it’s obvious, or because it’s obviously wrong (or contradictory), or because the obviously (to me) correct course of action is one that is not written in the protocol and I’m pumped about the new path that we’re on.
Pumped or not, I still have to follow the correct steps to complete the protocol, or else I end up with an unsteady rocker from IKEA with four mysterious extra pieces that I later find out were vital to the durability of the rocker (stupid bent and collapsed rocker). I must complete all of the steps, and not just jump ahead to what I know is the correct destination. Sometimes this requires incredible self control. I’m just so excited and so convinced about what’s right that I want to charge in with the full strength of my team of wild horses. But I can’t. That would result in a lot of important things breaking (those horses are, after all, very wild). And I feel it. I feel like I’m holding back a team of winter wild horses that can smell the spring air and know that they’re creatures made to run. I want so badly to run with them. But they’re wild. They break things. No matter how badly I want to speak, that doesn’t mean people are ready to hear. No matter how badly I want to take action, that doesn’t mean that it’s time. No matter how badly I want to build, that doesn’t mean that this is the land. So I grunt in pain and sweat bullets as I pour all my strength into holding back these wild horses.
linnealien 